Well, I think if I had a fool-proof method to getting our children to obey us the first time we tell them something, then I would have quite a following and definitely several book deals! But alas....there is no definitive method as we are fallen people dealing with fallen children! We are sinners (and yes, they are too!)
But, you can increase the likelihood of obedience and decrease your frustration by following a proven method - the Bible. Let's look at an example:
1 Samuel 3:2 Now the boy Samuel ministered to the LORD before Eli. And the word of the LORD was rare in those days; there was no widespread revelation.
1Sa 3:2 And it came to pass at that time, while Eli was lying down in his place, and when his eyes had begun to grow so dim that he could not see,
1Sa 3:3 and before the lamp of God went out in the tabernacle [fn] of the LORD where the ark of God was, and while Samuel was lying down,
1Sa 3:4 that the LORD called Samuel. And he answered, "Here I am!"
1Sa 3:5 So he ran to Eli and said, "Here I am, for you called me." And he said, "I did not call; lie down again." And he went and lay down.
1Sa 3:6 Then the LORD called yet again, "Samuel!" So Samuel arose and went to Eli, and said, "Here I am, for you called me." He answered, "I did not call, my son; lie down again."
1Sa 3:7 (Now Samuel did not yet know the LORD, nor was the word of the LORD yet revealed to him.)
1Sa 3:8 And the LORD called Samuel again the third time. So he arose and went to Eli, and said, "Here I am, for you did call me." Then Eli perceived that the LORD had called the boy.
1Sa 3:9 Therefore Eli said to Samuel, "Go, lie down; and it shall be, if He calls you, that you must say, 'Speak, LORD, for Your servant hears.' " So Samuel went and lay down in his place.
1Sa 3:10 Now the LORD came and stood and called as at other times, "Samuel! Samuel!" And Samuel answered, "Speak, for Your servant hears."
Now there are some important points about this story that we can easily miss if we are not reading carefully! Think about it - if this situation had happened in your household - would it have turned out like this? Or would Samuel have hollered "whatcha want" from his bed? Ok...before we go to meddling....
1. Samuel had been dedicated to the work of the Lord under Eli since he was a very young boy (he was about 12 at this time). Eli had been working on obedience in Samuel's life since he was young - the younger the better! Now, if your child is 10 years old, don't get frustrated - just start today and make a committment to be consistent...realizing that it is going to cost you time and energy beyond your imagination!
2. Samuel was ministering to the Lord before Eli...meaning that in all the times when Eli had corrected Samuel or had "gotten on to him", the relationship was still strong enough and "in tact" enough that Samuel was comfortable enough to be in Eli's presence when worshipping and serving. You must keep your testimony before your children in such a way that they know your relationship with the Lord is real and correct them in such a way that we do not harm our relationship with them. Now before you think that you can never raise your voice or that you must reason with your two year old - that is not what I am saying! But, there is NEVER an excuse for name calling or belittling a child...careful how you phrase things and remember, children take sarcasm literally.
3. Samuel came to Eli as soon as he heard him call....It does not sound like much, but teach your child to listen for your voice! Reiterate OFTEN that it is always their job to LISTEN for YOUR VOICE! Practice this often! Call them to you rather than finding them in their room...call them while playing on the playground just to ask them a question. If we are not careful, we will teach our children that we will come to them when we need something, rather than teaching them that they must listen for us. It is important that they listen for our voice above what they are doing, as more important than what they want...we are top priority and they are to drop everything and come when we call.
4. "I did not call; lie down again"....Eli didn't mix words - he didn't over indulge the child and go down the "did you have a nightmare" road - he just said, "I didn't call - go to bed.". Don't miss this! The statement is a clear command! There is no question, no begging, no "if you feel like it"....Eli made his point plain and clear - "lie down again". So many of us think we are giving our children commands, but when you listen to them we are using words that excuse bad behavior: "when you finish your show would you take out the trash" translates to "do what you want to do and then if you remember, and you feel like it, would you please do what I am asking you to do?".....or, we say things like "it would really help mommy out if you would...." which basically says "you can help me or not".... Eli gave a simple command. No explanations, no excuses, no room for misunderstanding. He did not have to reason out why the child should obey - he just made the simple statement expecting obedience.
More tomorrow!
Michele Everson, Proud Wife of Pastor Chad Everson and
Proud Mama to two boys who do a pretty good job of obeying!
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