A Lesson in Hardwood Floors - from a Child's Perspective!

Ok...so yesterday I was talking with the boys over lunch when my oldest asked, "Mom, wouldn't it be cool if they made hardwood floors that looked nice like these, but you didn't have to worry about water on them or scratches or anything?" -- Keep in mind this is coming off the heels of a week with 5 children in the house (cousins visiting) and me reminding them all week to pick up wet towels and not to drag things across the floor...And to think, I had tried not to nag about it! Somehow, I had done it anyway, I guess!-- Ok...so back to the story. After his comment, I thought about it and responded that indeed, they do make a laminate that looks like hardwood but doesn't get scratched or harmed by water, etc. To this he said "Well, why in the world would ANYONE want this stuff?" I tried to explain that real hardwood is considered nicer or more valuable...but even as I said the words I realized that it was not making any sense to me either - as I talked, I realized two important lessons from a child's perspective of hardwood floors:

1. Why do we want something just because the world says it is more valuable - when it actually is harder to keep up with, easily damaged and not as practical? It looks the same...so we just want it because someone says it is more valuable? How many other areas of my life do I do this in? Fashion? The latest gadgets? The car I drive (ok...so not my beat up van - but you know what I mean)...how easily we are influenced with what the world sees as success or valuable and we miss what is truly important.

But then...I looked at it another way -

2. How many times does something look good on the outside - but it isn't the real thing? You know, we get dressed up, put on our smiles and look the part at church each Sunday, but deep inside - if anyone could see our hearts - they would know all that we are carrying...the secret sin that we won't relinquish, the bitterness toward our brothers and sisters in Christ or, scarier still - that we look the part but we know that we don't have the relationship with Christ that others have around us....we have played the role but have never submitted our life to Him and in repentance and faith - trusted Him for salvation....

You see...when you look at hardwood floors - sometimes the answers are not easy! But, leave it to your kids to make you THINK!! So...what is it that you value? What equals success in your life - and what message have you sent your children about what true success is? Having the right stuff? Or seeing the value of things the way God sees them.

My son, do not forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commandments,for length of days and years of life and peace they will add to you. Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you; bind them around your neck; write them on the tablet of your heart. So you will find favor and good success in the sight of God and man. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord , and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones. Proverbs 3:1-8

Ok....Fear has a name - and it is 6th grade!

I have an up and coming 6th grader (that is, unless I can do something to convince him that he didn't pass somehow)....What do I do with that? I mean - there are days that I think - "I don't keep up NOW - how in the world am I going to do 6th grade MATH!?" - Think about it....have YOU ever watched the show "Are you smarter than a 5th grader?" I HAVE!! And I AM NOT!!!

So...what do you do when you wake up in the middle of the night thinking about whether or not your child will be messed up because you decided you were going to teach them at home and you suddenly cannot remember what year Columbus sailed or how do divide fractions? You pray - or at least that's what I have been doing a great deal of lately! As I have been pouring over curriculum and looking at options for next year's studies - I have been praying:
1. God, protect them from my mistakes! I know I am not the perfect parent and I know that so often my attitude is wrong, my selfishness is evident and my laziness can take over - protect them from the times I am living in the flesh!
2. Cause me to walk with YOU - my flesh is weak but I have learned, as your Psalmist taught, that I can depend on You to keep me close and cause me to walk with YOU - I cannot accomplish this on my own and I cannot fake it before them - it has to be real and I have to have a heart for You if I will ever impact them for Your Kingdom.
3. Give me wisdom as I handle the daily questions of friendships, manners, morality, the "why"s and so many others - I thank you for the opportunity to be there for those questions and discussions - but give me the wisdom to take advantage of these moments and to know what to say to point them to Your Word.
4. Give me a ravenous hunger for Your Word - keep me in It and help me apply It!!
5. Help me enjoy every minute with them - it is going by wayyyyy toooo faaasssttt!!

They've Caught On!

We were sitting around the table "at school" this week - going through our Bible lesson. We have been working on our catechism materials, going through a new curriculum called "Fighting the Good Fight" from Piper's "Desiring God for Children" and touching/reviewing Biblical Doctrines for young children in the mix of things. Needless to say, our Bible time takes us quite a while in the mornings....but all of it is flowing together well and it leads to GREAT discussions/questions from them. All of that to say, that at some point our oldest, Caleb, makes an "off-hand" comment about how he and Joshua understand that "this" is really the most important thing we learn about. When I asked him what he meant, trying to see where he was pulling this from and what had gotten through - he said that he and Joshua had noticed that we talk about this doctrine-stuff at least 4 times a day (in their personal quiet time material we have them working through, in our Bible study time in class, in our church history curriculum, and then at night with Daddy in our family time)....so it must be pretty big stuff. Then he reminded me that Dad always tells them that it is more important to him that they know their catechism and their verses than that they score a touchdown, etc....

In our time of homeschooling you hear a great deal of "yes, ma'm"s when they breath that sigh of "alright" under their breath (you know the sigh I am talking about)...you see the hints of disappointment tug at their mouths when you call them in to get ready for school...you sense the obvious displeasure at having to do yet another subject or workbook page, or heaven-forbid - math problems! And yet, somewhere in the mix of it all....in the quiet, subtle undertones of the day, they hear loud and clear where your heart is....they get it! They see the point! They understand the purpose - it is amazing when you have that moment that they point to and say "that's why" you are doing what you are doing!!!! Yeah!!! I told Chad that I was thrilled that this was the moment they saw and clung to - and not the times that my attitude blows it over curriculum planning or when a home repair throws our schedule off, or when my lack of discipline throws our whole day out of sync because I was too lazy to get all of my stuff done the night before...or how I can just be the chief of all sinners and have a really lousy day....they see all of that too - it is by God's grace that He allows them to look past all of that, and realize that there is something really BIG about all this DOCTRINE-STUFF!!! I said it to someone last night - there are so many times I pray, "God, protect them from my stupidity"....and in the midst of that He reminds me (and hubby helps to remind me), just give them His WORD and it will be enough. So, for all the homeschool moms out there - as you gear up for this year - remember, they see where your heart is and the messages you send without a word...they see where the emphasis is - even if we don't point it out!! They get it!

The Children of Caesar

Voddie Baucham does an incredible job of outlining one of the reasons that we have made the choice to homeschool our children. Everyone chooses to homeschool for different reasons - some, it is the time with the kids and family. For others, it is the need to spend extra time/attention in particular subjects. For many Christian families it is a choice to avoid the culture of the current school systems and the youth of our society. Most homeschooling parents have prayed and discussed, sought counsel and shed tears over whether or not they would take this step - and generally it is for a combination of these reasons and so many more....

We are no different. We made the choice to homeschool for the sake of family time, for a more well-rounded education, for the opportunity to teach our own children what we think they should know and to handle the "touchy" subjects ourselves.

But, to "sum up" our reason for homeschooling? We want our children to have a Biblical Worldview....we want them to have a foundation of Scripture and realize that, as a Christian everything we do and everything that we are flows through Scripture. So much of the modern church "compartmentalizes" - I am a Christian...I read my Bible, I am at church every Sunday, I even fellowship with my Sunday School class....but the everyday stuff never gets that attention - the conflict with my boss at work, the 'bully' at school, teaching my kids about money, what movie I watch with my friends....you see, these things happen "in between" my church days and therefore, they are "my areas"....

I want my children to begin and end in Scripture - whether they are arguing with each other or talking about the latest movie - I want them to think about things Biblically - that we are to do "ALL THINGS" for the Glory of God! I realized that when they spend the bulk of their day being taught in a government run classroom, with government instituted curriculum and taught from a government dictated perspective....I am not going to make great strides toward my goal in the hour I have between homework, dinner and bedtime. I think Voddie is right when he makes the statement "if we continue to send our children to Caesar for their education, we need to stop being surprised when they come home as Romans". His arguement is this - if we don't like the government's way of thinking (ie...sex education, homosexuality, abortion, evolution, secular humanism, moral relativism, socialism, feminism, etc.) - we must intervene. We are responsible for our children - we will be held accountable.

I realize that I will look back at my children's lives and my parenting and, as I already do, I pray "God, please protect them from my stupidity and ignorance and keep from them my wickedness"....I do not want them to turn out like me - I want them to understand more, love Christ more, have more of a passion for the Word of God and to be more bold in living for the Glory of God....I cannot give them the foundation for that if I am not wholeheartedly, purposefully and diligently "redeeming the time" to pour the Word of God in them! For us, this was a determining factor - the determining factor. It is not for everyone - I realize that and there is not a judgement about that decision.....but we must spend every moment that we have with them - whether it is during the day or in the evenings - we must be diligent about putting before them the things of God and teaching them to think Biblically....not casually, but passionately! Render to Caesar what is his - but not our kids....

"And these words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart; and you shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up (Deuteronomy 6:6-7)."

Why Do Baptist's/Protestant's LOSE our Children?

I am reading a wonderful book called "World Proof Your Kids" by Tim Sisemore....well, wonderful so far! I am only a couple of chapters into it at this point! But I read something the other day that startled me and made me think....it got my thought processes going and I wanted to throw it out there to all of you -

Tim wrote that a study was done evaluating the "retention rate" of Protestants vs. Mormons with our teenagers....the results? The "church" of the Latter Day Saints maintains more of their teenagers, not only in their congregations, but more of them actually say that their "faith" impacts their daily lives! Let me show you what they found:

75% of Mormon teens say that their religious beliefs are the same or similar to their parents whereas only 45% of Protestant youth make this statement.
43% of Mormon teens state that their faith shapes their daily lives while only 29% of Protestant youth see the need for faith in their daily life.

SAD...this states that 2/3 of conservative Christian teens in the US do not see their faith as important in their daily life! Do you realize the weight of that statement?

Did you know that 33% of our Protestant teens believe in some form of reincarnation? 33% believe in the authority of astrology? 31% in communicating with the dead? 21% believe in psychics and fortune tellers! What are we doing????

Why? You have to ask yourself - if you have children - you must search this out, right?

Well, the author quotes some ideas from Tom Bisset - who cites 4 major reasons children of Christian parents leave the faith (not that they lose their salvation, but rather that they never really had genuine saving relationship with Christ):

1. Their troubling questions regarding their faith go unanswered - meaning that when they ask the difficult questions, we are too busy entertaining and trying to look as much like the world as possible, and we miss the opportunity to have a voice in their life. I think he may be right! I would venture to say that the teenagers today see more "compromise" in churches now than ever before! We have more groups entertaining and praying to the "big daddy in the sky", and trying to be their pals...and we have less and less truth and doctrine! We are too busy with pizza fellowships to get them in the door so we can build a friendship with them, and we won't say anything that is "uncool" for fear that they won't come back - that we somehow forget that we are supposed to be growing them in a relationship with Christ! Without doctrine, do they really have any solid footing to grab onto when the storms of teenage years hit their lives? Do they really ever understand the answers to questions like "why was I created? What is my purpose? Why does He care for me? Why do bad things happen to good people?" They are naturally at a place in their lives for critical thinking - but our churches in our society are too busy trying to be like them and look like the world, to ever see that what they need is the security of knowing that there is an unchanging, solid and clear WORD out there! Mr. Bisset stated "This [the thought that we must be and look like the world to attract them] flows from the naive idea that teens love the world as it is and wouldn't be interested in Christianity if it didn't look like the Western world of the 21st Century. I fear that our young people take our silence on important issues to mean that we can't answer their questions and our failure to offer them anything more substantial than a good time as a sign that our faith has little depth to offer." Ouch....


2. The second reason Bisset gave for our children "leaving" the faith is that they discovered their faith really was not "working" for them. This reminded me so much of the Way of the Master series and their warnings against presenting the Gospel as if you were selling a used car.....you know, "come to Jesus, He can fix your marriage, your work, your life and, if you come today, He will throw in a brand new bank account!"....ok, so most churches are not that overt - but what do we really tell people when we give them the Gospel? Are we really honest in telling them that the Bible PROMISES that we will face persecution and suffering? That "woe to you" if all men speak well of you? Are we honest in that God does not promise to "fix" anything in our lives the way WE think they should be fixed - we are simply surrenduring our lives to HIS will and what HE KNOWS....No, most of the Gospel messages I have heard out there now make me so fearful - there are so many souls that think coming to Jesus is praying a little prayer and then living like you want to....after all, if you mean it will all your heart, He is obligated to come into your life and then give you ABUNDANT life, right? Surely that abundance does not include facing difficult circumstances??? A God of love would not want me unhappy, right? Oh ya'll....we have got to be careful! We sell Jesus like He is the "quick fix" pill to your life - if you just ask Him into your hearts, He will make it all better....then, when the storms of life hit, they look around and think - "something didn't take!" so, what do they do then? Rededicate? Maybe they didn't pray the prayer the right way, so they "get saved" again, just in case! Maybe they think, "this isn't worth it - it doesn't help my circumstances....why do I need it?" and they leave the church.

The Way of the Master presentation called "Hell's Best Kept Secret" presents this thought....if you give a passenger on an airline a parachute and tell them to wear it for the flight - it will make them uncomfortable and it will cost them room and sleep, etc....but they need to wear it for a better flight - they will think you are crazy and, as soon as the parachute bothers them (if they even put it on in the first place), they are going to take it off! But, if you explain to the person that there is a reason that the plane is going down, within minutes you will be crashing and their life is in imminent danger, they are not going to refuse the parachute because it is uncomfortable! You see, we say "put on Jesus - He will make things better for you" and, when things get uncomfortable - they take off this false religious chute they are wearing and discard it.....but if we accurately and rightly describe their lost condition and the danger they are in as a sinner/enemy of God, their imminent lot for eternity and the sometimes unpleasant and difficult jouney ahead of them, then they rightly view Jesus as their salvation in the midst of their peril....Someone they will cling to in times of trouble and suffering! Does that make sense?

We've got too many teens (and adults for that matter) that have been window shopping their religion and their faith is grounded in a false sense of hell insurance. WE MUST RIGHTLY DIVIDE THE WORD OF GOD TO OUR YOUTH! My boys MUST see the truth about the Christian life and they must see that NOTHING is more important than faith in Christ! There are NO QUESTIONS in our lives that CHRIST and HIS WORD are silent on....everything matters to HIM!

Ok....enough soapbox for today - I will try to post the rest of this tomorrow - we have 2 more reasons that Mr. Bisset gives and that I would like to try to explain here....

Forgive Me...

Wow...I cannot believe how hard it is lately to find time to blog! I have been trying to figure out where all of our time has gone - and I just don't know! Let's see...
Baseball, YMCA for running, church activities, schoolwork, never-ending supply of housework....hmmmm...I have no idea!

Ok, so everyone is busy - but I just haven't MADE time to blog! There, I said it! I admit it! I haven't wanted to badly enough! We were sitting at dinner last night and our oldest started to make an excuse for something he had done earlier in the day and, in mid-sentance he stopped himself and said "that's just an excuse, I am not going to make excuses... I just did it"...I thought - Wow! He has just shown more maturity than I do most of the time! I want to make excuses for everything - why I don't run more, why I'm not getting this house clean, why the boys are not doing well in this subject or that, why we are not reading more, excuses...excuses...excuses!

Let's take a tip from an 11 year old! No more excuses! Nope - I just didn't blog the last several weeks because I just didn't feel like it and didn't want to....there! So, what are you making excuses for?

Michele Everson, Proud wife to Pastor Chad Everson and
Proud Mama to two wonderful little boys!

School is fun, right?

Boy...this time of year, you begin to wonder! Everyone is getting tired! We are all starting to dread the next day, thinking that we would rather be outside than doing math....

So, why not? I challenge you to be creative! Think outside the box - and the house! Why not do some math outside as you divide blades of grass into fractions or, take your lunch to the park to discuss the civil war - no reason to be inside all the time! As you get to this point in the school year - don't give up, but don't be frustrated either! Spring fever is a REAL condition in children! Bear with them....wouldn't you rather be outside? Get creative and, while you are trying to get all that school work crammed into their brains - keep in mind that there are no rules that say that we can't do those last 15 spelling words stretched out over 30 minutes each morning of the summer...or that we can't read that last book at night before bed...

Don't lose hope - and don't lose your mind! Now...if you will excuse me, I am going outside to throw the ball with my boys and talk about what drove our country to the civil war!

Looking forward to another week!

At this point in the school year, I know many of you are dreading Mondays, right? Did you know that we subconsciously build this into our children also? Yep...that's right - they are listening - to EVERY word we say (except when we want them to of course!)

Chad and I have talked about this so many times - if you stop to think about it, we condition our children to act a certain way by the way we act, things we say and the expectations we set for them - even if we don't realize it! For instance, how many times have your children heard you mention "oh...it's Monday again!" or "Let's try to have a good Monday this week"...thereby somehow declaring that Mondays are terrible days and that we have to make an extra effort to get through them! We are setting them up to start off the week horribly! And, not only that, we blame our poor attitudes/behaviors on it being Monday - like that is some sort of excuse! (Makes you want to skip ahead to Tuesday doesn't it!)

What else do we do this with???? Think about it - we have given our children "permission" to be terrible just because they are two, rebellious just because they are a teenager and irresponsible just because they are boys! How ridiculous! In thinking about our decision to homeschool, one very big plus of keeping your children at home is that there is no one to tell them that they are getting to the age when it is "not cool" to hang out with your mom and dad...that they are getting "too big" for hugs in front of their friends and that being a "teacher's pet" and following the rules is a bad thing! Oh....I know that they will be exposed to some of this because they go to church, the YMCA and other places with kids - but, it will be countered some by what messages we are sending at home. We are trying to consciously talk with our kids about "doing hard things" and that they are not too young to follow God...that David was a young boys when he purposed in his heart to follow God and, that even at their young age they can glorify God with their lives - but not if they are worried about what others think of them. We are trying to be overt in telling our kids that they will never be too old to listen to us and that there is never an excuse for sin in our lives. Now, before any of you tell us that "just wait - when they get to be a teenager..."....ok, ok, ok! We know the boys are not yet teenagers and that they will not be perfect! Remember, you don't judge by the behavior of the boys - but the reaction of the parents! We are NOT PERFECT! But, the point of all this rambling is this....let's be careful that we are not expecting bad behavior, attitudes and SIN by excusing it as a normal stage, a phase, or "typical" behavior. Let's talk openly with our kids about our expectations, our shortcomings/sins and God's requirements of us.

In closing, an example: Sometimes folks at church will say things to me about my boys or their behavior in front of them....one particular night at church a well-meaning lady walked up and said something about the boys being sweet and mannerly on this particular occasion. Not sure how to respond in every situation - I simply said "thank you" and then made a comment about them being "all boy" at times but that they were good boys....when we got in the car, the boys were prepped and ready. They both laid into me with the questions of what is "all boy" and does that mean that they are bad? I tried to explain what the expression meant and realized that I had made it sound like a bad thing to be all boy! Of course not! We discussed how being "all boy" can imply that they like to be rough and tumble, get into sports, etc. and general things like that....then I explained that I did not mean to allude to the idea that they were 'bad' in any way and that I thought they were very good boys! WOW - long explanation and extreme situation -off of a comment made "off the cuff"....imagine how they would have felt and what they would have thought if they had never asked me! I am so glad that they did!

So....all of this to say - enjoy your Monday! Make it a great one! And make a effort to track the messages we are sending to our kids about our expectations and excuses!

Michele Everson, Proud wife of Bro. Chad Everson and
Proud Mama to two wonderful little boys!

More....

6. The third time Samuel goes into Eli to find out why he was being called, Eli realizes who it is calling the boy and simply says – answer! Eli does not feel the need to explain that Samuel is too young to hear God or that Samuel must do x,y,z to hear God – he simply says – “answer Him”. Now think about this – when Samuel is heading back to his room, realizing that God is speaking to him about something – what do you think this boy is thinking? I believe that although Eli was a wretched man and priest with his own sons, Samuel was still exposed to spiritual things in the temple and he was walking back to his room exercising faith. Samuel was planning on answering the Most High God and was willing to listen to anything He had to say to him. Samuel was a child, but he had more faith than we do sometimes. How many times have we prayed never believing that God would answer us? How many times has God clearly told us to move and we stubbornly plant our feet waiting for a “sign”? Let’s train our children to simply answer God and be ready for whatever they hear! How do we do this?

Well, a lot of parents do not know how to hear God! There are so many out there that are waiting for that “sign” that God will speak to them through….or those that respond to something in their lives because they had “godbumps” or “chills”…how can we teach our children to listen for God to speak when we have no idea what we are listening for! Feelings and emotions are from our hearts – and, as we have already seen – our hearts are deceitful and desperately wicked (Jer. 17:9) and we cannot trust them! We cannot go on a “feeling of peace” or a tenderness we feel toward something. How many times have we uttered these phrases? God can use our emotions to confirm in us what He has already said or as a result of our move toward obedience, but we cannot rely on our emotions as a guidepost or a map. What is our source of truth? Where can we turn to hear God speak?

We have an entire book of His Words! We have an entire revelation that is complete, inerrant, infalliable and eternal! Why do we expect that God owes us another revelation – just for us – in our methods? He has given us the Word of God AND the Holy Spirit to make it completely applicable and individualized in our lives! The Word of God is clear and complete and, if we would simply absorb it and know it thoroughly – we would have everything we need to know! The Holy Spirit gives us insight into the meaning of the Scriptures and how our lives should conform to what we are reading – but we are not looking for some “extra revelation” or something contrary to scripture! As we read the Word of God and study it each day, we are being prepared for what lies ahead. The Bible teaches us that we will be equipped for everything He calls us to! (2 Tim 3:16-17 All Scripture [is] given by inspiration of God, and [is] profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work. ) If we are faithfully studying and learning, we will be ready for what comes our way or, when things still shock us, we will be prepared to respond in a manner that glorifies God. The problem is that too many times, we are “skipping school” when He has prepared important lessons for us! Or, we are approaching the Word of God as a “quick fix” where, instead of reading it in context and consistently, we search for the one verse that says what we want to hear and we apply it to our situations! Now, there is nothing wrong with going to Scripture for encouragement or reassurance in times of need – don’t get me wrong! But if we are faithfully in the Word and learning, then when those times of need come about, many times those verses we need are made readily available in our minds through the work of the Holy Spirit and what we have learned. God does not intend our lives to be spent simply reacting to everything that happens to us and floundering from one crisis to another – He expects us to live by His book on a daily basis and, when we know His Word – we have our guidepost/map to live by!

Samuel was ready to listen – ready to hear from God because He knew His Word…If God had something for Samuel to do, then he was ready to move – he would not run from God, he would not avoid the task set before him, he was simply ready to say “speak Lord, for your servant hears.”

An Apology...

Ok...it was a week ago that I was supposed to post the second half of this point...what a week! I am issuing this apology for my obvious lie. I will give you more of the post today and, in the future make an effort to post when I say I will!

Ok...so we left Eli in the bed and Samuel wondering what was going on! Samuel had heard the voice call to him and he immediately got up and went to Eli for instruction or direction. Eli told him that he had not called and to go lie down. Samuel obeyed. But let's not miss what happens next!

5. Samuel was back in the bed and again, the voice of the Lord called to him and, what does Samuel do? Does he say "this is getting ridiculous" or go to Eli and say "what now? I already came in here once" - no! No haughtiness or anger, no frustration or rebellion. Samuel simply gets up and goes back to Eli with expectation and ready to listen. How many of us would do that? Much less our kids...but you see, if we begin early expecting obedience in our children and disciplining disrespect or displays of rebelliousness, then when we call - they will respond appropriately, even if they do not see the point.

I've thought about this point quite a bit because this is probably the hardest part of parenting an older child - you know, that age when they begin thinking that they know more than you do. So, how do we instill in our children the level of obedience and respect that we see in Samuel here? I believe it is done in the heart - not necessarily the actions. You see, inside each of us is a natural/sinful heart - deceitful and desperately wicked according to Jeremiah 17:9. Our heart tells us that we know what is best, that our ways are better than anyone else's and that we deserve to be happy (among other famous lies)...it is your child's heart that is rebellious and arrogant, unteachable and prideful. Now I know most parents would say "my child is not that bad" but, think about it - is that not the heart of the matter when you get this response out of your child? Is it not our heart? We do not like to call sin for what it is in our children - but it is important that we do so! If we never call sin as it is, then why would they ever need a Savior? It is important that we start early with calling sin in our lives and theirs - and then explaining that Jesus can change our hearts if we repent.

So, when your child pipes up with "why did you call me again" or "what's up with this" - or any other disrespectful tone, what do you do? Call it what it is....explain to your child that you hear their frustration and that it comes from a heart that is telling them that they have more sense than you right now - right? But the Bible never tells them to obey because you are smarter or because you will always be right - as a matter of fact, the Bible does not give any "escape clause" that bypasses obedience if you don't think your parents are right. It simply expects obedience because of the role that God has placed your parents in over you. You are to obey their authority - regardless of if you understand why at this moment. That is what God expects of us! We are not owed an explanation of His plans or thoughts...we are to obey. After explaining this to your child and explaining that you have the same rebellious heart that they do- explain that only the Grace of God working in our lives can change our hearts and help us to live holy lives. Only God can control our hearts - we cannot even know our hearts! Then, do not miss this, discipline still occurs! It is not that because the situation has calmed down and everyone is talking that we can ignore the consequences of our sin - discipline still occurs! Actually...this is the way discipline should happen EVERY time! It should never be when you are frustrated or aggravated....

Pointing out rebelliousness in our children and calling it for the sin it is - shocking them by saying out loud what they are thinking in their minds - can be very powerful. Then, rather than doing the "I'm your parent and your going to respect me" routine, we simply explain that it is the rebelliousness of our hearts and that they have to fight against it. Give them a verse to claim such as Romans 12:2 (And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what [is] that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God) and explain that every time they feel this way and think these thoughts...stop, quote this verse and think about how God would want us to respond. How can we please God with our hearts, our attitudes and our behaviors? It is teaching not only the "renewing of our minds", but the application of Scripture, the respect for authority and patience... Wrap things up by explaining that you do not have this all wrapped up yourself...that you struggle with ______ and that God has to work this out of your life as well. Then pray with them and for them. If you were ugly in any part of the way you have handled it, ask them to forgive you.

Stay tuned!

How Does "First Time Obedience" Happen?

Well, I think if I had a fool-proof method to getting our children to obey us the first time we tell them something, then I would have quite a following and definitely several book deals! But alas....there is no definitive method as we are fallen people dealing with fallen children! We are sinners (and yes, they are too!)

But, you can increase the likelihood of obedience and decrease your frustration by following a proven method - the Bible. Let's look at an example:

1 Samuel 3:2 Now the boy Samuel ministered to the LORD before Eli. And the word of the LORD was rare in those days; there was no widespread revelation.

1Sa 3:2 And it came to pass at that time, while Eli was lying down in his place, and when his eyes had begun to grow so dim that he could not see,


1Sa 3:3 and before the lamp of God went out in the tabernacle [fn] of the LORD where the ark of God was, and while Samuel was lying down,


1Sa 3:4 that the LORD called Samuel. And he answered, "Here I am!"


1Sa 3:5 So he ran to Eli and said, "Here I am, for you called me." And he said, "I did not call; lie down again." And he went and lay down.


1Sa 3:6 Then the LORD called yet again, "Samuel!" So Samuel arose and went to Eli, and said, "Here I am, for you called me." He answered, "I did not call, my son; lie down again."


1Sa 3:7 (Now Samuel did not yet know the LORD, nor was the word of the LORD yet revealed to him.)


1Sa 3:8 And the LORD called Samuel again the third time. So he arose and went to Eli, and said, "Here I am, for you did call me." Then Eli perceived that the LORD had called the boy.


1Sa 3:9 Therefore Eli said to Samuel, "Go, lie down; and it shall be, if He calls you, that you must say, 'Speak, LORD, for Your servant hears.' " So Samuel went and lay down in his place.


1Sa 3:10 Now the LORD came and stood and called as at other times, "Samuel! Samuel!" And Samuel answered, "Speak, for Your servant hears."

Now there are some important points about this story that we can easily miss if we are not reading carefully! Think about it - if this situation had happened in your household - would it have turned out like this? Or would Samuel have hollered "whatcha want" from his bed? Ok...before we go to meddling....

1. Samuel had been dedicated to the work of the Lord under Eli since he was a very young boy (he was about 12 at this time). Eli had been working on obedience in Samuel's life since he was young - the younger the better! Now, if your child is 10 years old, don't get frustrated - just start today and make a committment to be consistent...realizing that it is going to cost you time and energy beyond your imagination!

2. Samuel was ministering to the Lord before Eli...meaning that in all the times when Eli had corrected Samuel or had "gotten on to him", the relationship was still strong enough and "in tact" enough that Samuel was comfortable enough to be in Eli's presence when worshipping and serving. You must keep your testimony before your children in such a way that they know your relationship with the Lord is real and correct them in such a way that we do not harm our relationship with them. Now before you think that you can never raise your voice or that you must reason with your two year old - that is not what I am saying! But, there is NEVER an excuse for name calling or belittling a child...careful how you phrase things and remember, children take sarcasm literally.

3. Samuel came to Eli as soon as he heard him call....It does not sound like much, but teach your child to listen for your voice! Reiterate OFTEN that it is always their job to LISTEN for YOUR VOICE! Practice this often! Call them to you rather than finding them in their room...call them while playing on the playground just to ask them a question. If we are not careful, we will teach our children that we will come to them when we need something, rather than teaching them that they must listen for us. It is important that they listen for our voice above what they are doing, as more important than what they want...we are top priority and they are to drop everything and come when we call.

4. "I did not call; lie down again"....Eli didn't mix words - he didn't over indulge the child and go down the "did you have a nightmare" road - he just said, "I didn't call - go to bed.". Don't miss this! The statement is a clear command! There is no question, no begging, no "if you feel like it"....Eli made his point plain and clear - "lie down again". So many of us think we are giving our children commands, but when you listen to them we are using words that excuse bad behavior: "when you finish your show would you take out the trash" translates to "do what you want to do and then if you remember, and you feel like it, would you please do what I am asking you to do?".....or, we say things like "it would really help mommy out if you would...." which basically says "you can help me or not".... Eli gave a simple command. No explanations, no excuses, no room for misunderstanding. He did not have to reason out why the child should obey - he just made the simple statement expecting obedience.

More tomorrow!

Michele Everson, Proud Wife of Pastor Chad Everson and
Proud Mama to two boys who do a pretty good job of obeying!

First Time Obedience...the How and Why!

Ok...we looked at why intermittent responses to bad behavior actually INGRAINS the behavior into the child in our last post...but how do we expect our children to obey the first time we tell them to do something - and why is it important?

You are in your home, doing schoolwork and you tell your 8 year old son to take out the garbage after he finishes his mathwork...Later that afternoon, you remind your son that he was supposed to take out the garbage and state that he needs to go ahead and do it when he finishes the program he is watching on TV. Suffice it to say, that night about 10:00 you are taking out the garbage before you head off to bed! What goes wrong?

Of course, looking at this, we all go "Oh, well - that would never happen in our house because I would follow through after the first time he didn't do it! The TV would have been off and he would have had to do it right then!"...ok...but how often do we follow through after the first time we tell our child "no" about something and they pout? How about all the times we tell them to clean their rooms and it is not done?

Let's do a little test. Ready? See if you have ever mentioned the following phrases in your home:

"I'm not telling you again!"
"I asked you earlier..."
"One...two...three"
"Don't make me repeat myself!"
"What did I say?...You heard me..."

Oh...the list goes on! All the phrases that hold harmless threats of "I'm not going to tell you again" when our children KNOW that we ARE going to tell them again! And the old "One...two...three"...we have just told our child that they can disobey us two times - as long as they get their act together by the time I get to three! (If we ever get to three - what happens then? Does the Earth begin to crumble, does Mom's head explode?)

Why do we want our children to obey us the first time we tell them something? Yes, so we can have a more peaceful household and homeschool, so we get more done through the day, so we enjoy being around each other more with less fighting and tension...all of those reasons! But, more importantly, because our Father expects US to obey the first time He tells us to do something! God never counts to three with us when He gives us a command! He doesn't tell us to move away from sin and then start in with the "I am not telling you again!"...

He says clearly in His Word, in Deuteronomy 11:26 - 28
Behold, I set before you this day a blessing and a curse;
A blessing, if ye obey the commandments of the LORD your God, which I command you this day: And a curse, if ye will not obey the commandments of the LORD your God, but turn aside out of the way which I command you this day, to go after other gods, which ye have not known.

By all means, the Lord has incredible mercy on me for all my disobedience...I cannot tell you how many times He has given me another opportunity to obey the same commandment! But, it is clear in Scripture that as a Christian, I will answer for every act, or thought, of disobedience! How many times has He told me to lay down a sin in my life and I refused - I held it dear, until one day He takes it out of my life or makes me so miserable in it that I finally relinquish it! My disobedience has consequences, here and at judgement. Think of the Isrealites walking in the desert - they had the opportunity for the Promised Land and blew it - there was a punishment for that disobedience. Even though they came back and said, "Ok, we'll do it" - the punishment was measured out. But, it was lesson they learned!

In all, I believe we do harm to our kids when we teach them that they have three chances to obey us, or when we give warning after warning...we teach them that we do not expect obedience from them. We also teach them our "breaking points" - you know, that point at which they can no longer ignore us without consequences. Expecting first time obedience teaches our children Biblical authority AND responsibility. Not to mention, that it keeps us from blowing our testimony and acting horrible!

So...how do we do it? Keep reading tomorrow!

Michele Everson, Proud Wife of Pastor Chad Everson and
Proud Mama to two boys who obey better than Mama does sometimes!

Everyday Talk and John Younts...How Dare He!

Ok...how many times have you been on the phone and the kids are going crazy around you? You put your hand over the phone and tell them to "be quiet and quit running around this house!" - nicely of course! After 2-3 more pleas with them to quit running and be quiet, you are not as nice anymore....after all, you are still on the phone and this happens every time you get on the phone! Then, it happens....you hear the crash...glass breaking...yep, you know what happened!

Now it is time! You tell the person on the other end "sorry - gotta go" and then you round the corner to find "the look" on your child...the one where they have suddenly become very religious and they are begging Jesus to come back NOW! They know what is coming - and they know you mean business!

All of us can relate to this...and, unfortunately this is common to all of us! When I read a similar story to this in Everyday Talk and, I must confess I wanted to shut the book and start a letter writing campaign to have the author stoned outside the city gates! I was furious for days! Do you know what he had the gall to say? Do you know what HE stated about MY parenting?

He reminded me that if my child believed I was serious about the "no running" the first time I said it, then the broken glass would have never happened. After all, it was not serious enough for me to address it earlier - I never got off the phone to reinforce what I was saying. Actually, what I just did was teach my child that it is ok to disobey me unless you break something! I just reinforced their disobedience and actually sent the clear message that, "as long as you don't break anything, you can run all you want while I am busy"...not what I intended! Now I have learned this for years in my psychology and counseling courses - of course I know this! Yeah, right...everything is different when you are the parent in an emotional situation dealing with your children! It takes slowing down, thinking clearly and remembering that "these kids" are actually a gift from the Lord that He has entrusted to your care and for you to TEACH and RAISE to follow HIM! Ouch...

There is nothing easy about parenting - nothing as self-less and demanding as parenting properly! Younts reminded me that my refusal to pay attention to what was going on and refusal to "back up" my words with action, was actually ingraining the behavior in my child more! Like a gambler, I am building the same reaction into my child - It's ok to lose some...because you might get away with it for a while! Intermittent reinforcement (behavior that does not get addressed EVERY time it happens) is actually the HARDEST behavior to change!

So....if you, like me, saw yourself in this example more than you would like to admit....you know what you have to do! BOOT CAMP! That's right - it is time to put you and your child on notice - you are going to boot camp for that behavior! Warn your child that you are going to expect obedience to your directions THE FIRST TIME YOU SAY IT! Then, the next time you give a direction and they ignore it?...well, follow through! Remind them of what you said - remind them of why (that obedience must be shown the first time) and then impose consequences...

Tomorrow...why obedience should be shown the first time and how to get them to follow it! What do you do if they don't?

Michele Everson, Proud wife of Pastor Chad Everson and
Proud Mama to two (used to be) running little boys!

Are We Teaching Them In Our "Everyday Talk"?

Ok...I have read this great book by John Younts about 2 years ago maybe...and in the move this book stood out to be as one to re-read. You know, when you are putting things away and something grabs your attention? Well, I have pulled this book back out and, despite my growing reading list, I have re-read through this book over the past week and I am reminded at just how great this book is to call out my imperfections and shortcomings - you know, just the kind of book you love to hate!

So, as misery loves company, let me see if any of you "fall short" like I do (of course not, I know it is just me!). Let's start where everything should: the Word of God!

Deuteronomy 6:6-7 "These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up." So, pretty much all day, everyday right? So, is it safe to say that we are to put the commandments into our everyday life in such a way that our children see and learn them from us on a regular basis? How successfully are we placing the law of God before our children on a daily basis?

Ok, most of us pat ourselves on the back for having them in church on Sundays and Wednesdays, we say the blessing with them at dinner and we even push to have prayer time at bedtime...but are we keeping the commandments, the law of God, before them when we are walking/driving, when we are sitting, when we are teaching schoolwork, when we are talking with friends, when we are visiting family, etc.?

Now, before you go into the parent's lecture about hours in the day, work schedules and doing our best....let's remember what we are dealing with here (remember, I am right there beside you on this road!)...let's remember WHY we do these things:

Solomon, after witnessing the destruction in the wake of King David's sin (his father) and the heartbreak that resulted from it, is pleading with children to heed wisdom and warnings of their parents and avoid that same heartbreak: Proverbs 4
"Listen, my sons, to a father's instruction;
pay attention and gain understanding.
I give you sound learning,
so do not forsake my teaching.
When I was a boy in my father's house
still tender and an only child of my mother,
he taught me and said,
"Lay hold of my words with all your heart,
keep my commands and you will live.
Get wisdom, get understanding;
do not forget my words or swerve from them.
Do not forsake wisdom and she will protect you...

I guide you in the way of wisdom
and lead you along straight paths.
When you walk, your steps will not be hampered;
when you run, you will not stumble.
Hold on to instruction, do not let it go;
guard it well, for it is your life.
Do not set foot on the path of the wicked
or walk in the way of evil men.
Avoid it, do not travel on it;
turn from it and go on your way.
For they cannot sleep till they do evil;
they are robbed of slumber til they make someone fall....

My son, pay attention to what I say;
listen closely to my words,
Do not let them out of your sight,
keep them within your heart;
for they are life to those who find them
and health to a man's whole body.
Above all else, guard your heart,
for it is the wellspring of life.
Put away perversity from your mouth;
keep corrupt talk from your lips.
Let your eyes look straight ahead,
fix your gaze directly before you.
Make level paths for your feet
and take only ways that are firm.
Do not swerve to the right or the left,
keep your foot from evil.

Is this not what we would want for our children? Is this not the plea of every parent? How firm are our "everyday words" that they can hold on to? Can they "pay attention to what I say and listen closely to my words" on a daily basis? Am I giving them wisdom and guidance that will keep them on a firm path? I fear not...my everyday words are filled with do's and don'ts and far too few "the Bible says"...

Next blog, how do we change our "Everyday Talk" to make an impact on our children for eternity and what in the world is "Parentspeak"?

Michele Everson, Proud wife of Pastor Chad Everson and
Proud Mama to two wonderful boys!

A Response....

A comment was posted in following up to our "Deer in the Headlights" Post - a snippet from it was talking about her son and she said..."At times, which seem for no reason at all, he will act that way especially in Math. It could be something he already knows and just completly shuts down. I have tried what you stated but he has caught on and will say "I know what your doing. Your just trying to calm me down or change the subject". She asked if there were any other ideas if your child is "catching on" to this tactic. Not that I am an expert - but here is another idea!

You might want want to consider changing subjects for a little while or taking a 15 minute exercise break - nothing gets the adrenaline pumping and sharpens the senses like exercise...it will actually help them concentrate if it is not too overdone! Just for fun, the next time he is stressed - rather than acting upset or frustrated...or even worried...just say, "you know what, let's quit for a little while - take 3 laps around the house" when he comes back, have him hop on one foot - anything crazy and off beat enough to get his mind on how mom has "lost it" and off how he is not getting it. By the time he is laughing and relaxed, out of breath...you will know you are ready to tackle it with a fresh look....the key is getting to the point where each of you is no longer stressed...laughter works! Then, tackle the teaching from a fresh perspective - maybe physical manipulation...i.e. teach fractions by cutting up a cookie or breaking apart a hershey's bar. When all is said and done and the day is over, be sure to go back and remind them that they are exactly what God made them to be...each with strengths and each with areas that are weaker - if we were all perfect in every subject, we would be really hard to live with! The important thing is to always be teachable. We all have areas that we struggle in and areas that don't come easy...it just means that we have to work hard at it and develop it slowly. The attitude we approach these things with can be sinful if we are not careful - we start pouting about the way God made us or the ways he should have done things differently...be sure that we explain your own areas of weakness and how God uses that in your life to keep you humble and teachable. It can be a great teaching opportunity and a chance for our kids to see as human!

And by the way, thanks for the comment and follow up! It means a lot and it sure helps me to know what direction to go with posts...I love doing this, but I don't always know if it is helpful! Thanks!

Michele Everson, Proud Wife of Pastor Chad Everson and
Proud Mama to two boys who are dreading school tomorrow already!

Ever Get that Deer in the Headlights Look?

Ok...we are officially back into the swing of school and on a roll - or so I thought. This week were in the middle of learning decimals and converting to fractions - basic stuff for what we have been doing - and my oldest gets that "deer in the headlights" look....just not even there! I have no idea when he checked out or what it was that "stumped" him, but he was just DONE!

How do you respond? Right or wrong, when mine get that look, I know they have checked out on me and we will not get anything done by going down the same path. I stopped and we took some steps to correct the situation:
1. We changed rooms - a change of environment may seem like a trivial thing, but many times it is enough to trigger a "wake up" and shake up effect!
2. We had a couple of M&Ms - again, a wake up call and, more importantly, it alleviates stress of thinking that Mom is upset with them for "not getting it". My oldest puts a great deal of pressure on himself, so when he feels that I'm frustrated (whether I am or not), he REALLY shuts down.
3. We took a different approach - I tried explaining it in a hands on way - using household stuff that we could manipulate.
4. We made it a game - with a little bit of competition, it takes the emphasis off of learning something new and makes the challenge more of something that boys can get their hands around - competition....they will try harder without realizing that they are!

So...the next time you get that deer in the headlights look...before you get frustrated and aggravated, stop and think of some alternatives - you might find that it helps you and them to settle down!

Michele Everson, proud wife of Pastor Chad Everson
and Proud Mama to two great boys!

The Everson Family is Thankful for Local Resources!

Ok...we have been in town two weeks...but things are finally starting to feel like home! We are unpacked and this week was our first week back to school. We are starting to get into a routine and beginning to develop our outlook for the days ahead. We have joined the local YMCA and they have homeschooler's PE classes! Mondays and Fridays are the PE classes, Wednesday afternoon is swimming team and we will be involved at Karate at Trinity Baptist on Wednesdays before Church as well. We are going to be busy! But, in this transition time, trying to meet new people - busy is not a bad thing!

We are looking at all the amazing opportunities for field trips and science investigations in Southaven, Olive Branch and Memphis - we will have no trouble finding things to do! While I don't want to be on the go any more than necessary, with all of our church things coming up, but I'm sure you understand, I want the kids to experience this area - this part of the Country. I am so thankful for the local resources that are available. I am so thankful for the Olive Branch Home Educator's Association and the new friend I met through them - it will be nice having support and having a group to field trip with in the days ahead!

Michele Everson, Proud Wife of Pastor Chad Everson at Trinity Baptist Church in Southaven, MS and proud Mama to two busy boys!

Everson Family - Homeschooling in Mississippi!

Well, homeschooling starts back next week for us! At this rate we will be homeschooling well into June to finish up this year's work! My boys desperately need to get back into a routine!

Have you noticed the same thing? When you have been out of your school routine for a couple of days or even a couple of weeks - the kids lose their minds! They stop thinking! We have had blank stares at simple questions, picking on each other until I'm ready to scream and the boys seem "antsy" all the time! They are in need of school! Who would have thought it!

Now that we are out of boxes and everything is set up, we are getting back to the books! I never realized how much I miss teaching them! I was setting up my school room and found myself wishing we could sit down and do it right then...I love being with my kids and love watching them learn!

I have found that homeschooling in Mississippi may be a little different! There are of course different laws here - like no participating in public school activities and sports - but also the perception of homeschoolers here seems to be "old school" in that we do it because we have too - not necessarily because we want to. There is a WONDERFUL private school less than a mile from our home and it is assumed by most that our boys will simply go there - we get some really different looks from most everyone when we state that we choose to homeschool simply because we want to do so....we shall see! Everyone has been really sweet and very supportive of us in our decision to homeschool, I am just not sure what they think about it yet! :) We did find out that there are some homeschool groups in town and we will look into joining them - we will pass along any helpful information from them! Also, our YMCA here has homeschool PE classes two days a week - Mondays are water sports in the indoor pool and Fridays are other sports. It should be fun and will allow the boys to meet new friends! We look forward to getting back into the swing of things and we are excited about exploring the possibilities here!

Michele Everson, Proud wife of Dr. Chad Everson and
Proud Mama to two "looking forward to school (not) boys!"

Pastor Chad Everson says...Will School Ever Start Back?

In the middle of all the boxes and chaos, we have been doing our best to get our boys together with some of their friends before we move. We have had their cousins and the neighbor's grandkids over more than not lately! Which, in my mind just keeps them occupied and gives me time to pack! Last night, as we were watching the six of them play the Wii and with toys, Chad looked at me and said, "When will school ever start back?"....Not a bad question actually...even though it was funny at the time!

You see, for all of you homeschoolers out there, you understand that you don't get the "time off" for grocery shopping without the kids or for running errands while they are in class! It is a choice we have made because we LOVE being with our kids (maybe I am generalizing - I LOVE BEING WITH MY KIDS!) and because we feel like we can give them something that the classroom setting cannot - individualized instruction over the topics that we feel are important! But, this choice comes with certain difficulties - never any time alone, structuring your home and LIFE to fit in the teaching and time for individual exploration, disciplining your children in a way that still motivates them to listen to and learn from you, and disciplining yourself not to neglect your duties in your home, the area of homeschooling and in the area of wife!

So, as we face the New Year, get ready and put your seatbelts on! Homeschooling is about to kick back up if you haven't already - whatever your schedule is for the next half of the school year, remember - Dad might need a little more attention in the mix, the house cleaning can become a learning experience for the kids and family meals are teaching opportunities!

Enjoy your 2009!
Michele Everson, Proud Wife of Pastor Chad Everson and
Proud Mama to two boys not wanting to start back on schoolwork!

Just a little laugh for all of you homeschoolers about to start back!

Just saw this on a blog of a "blogger friend" of ours! Who knew that there was another "Chad Everson" out there - but his name is Chad "Grizzly" T. Everson and he is a conservative, Republican, homeschooling blogger from up North! We have commented on each other's blogs now that we know about one another - check out his sites if you get a chance!

Anyway, this was on one of his blogs this morning as a comment from another poster - I thought it was hilarious! It was titled: "Dear Friends and Family"

"Dear friends and family,With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week.
Larry LaPrise, the man that wrote ” The Hokie Pokey” died peacefully at the age of 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started….

“Shut up.” You know it’s funny.
Thats what its all about!

I thought it was important you all knew…"

Michele Everson
Proud wife of Pastor Chad Everson and
Proud Mama of two hokey pokey dancin little boys!