At this point in the school year, I know many of you are dreading Mondays, right? Did you know that we subconsciously build this into our children also? Yep...that's right - they are listening - to EVERY word we say (except when we want them to of course!)
Chad and I have talked about this so many times - if you stop to think about it, we condition our children to act a certain way by the way we act, things we say and the expectations we set for them - even if we don't realize it! For instance, how many times have your children heard you mention "oh...it's Monday again!" or "Let's try to have a good Monday this week"...thereby somehow declaring that Mondays are terrible days and that we have to make an extra effort to get through them! We are setting them up to start off the week horribly! And, not only that, we blame our poor attitudes/behaviors on it being Monday - like that is some sort of excuse! (Makes you want to skip ahead to Tuesday doesn't it!)
What else do we do this with???? Think about it - we have given our children "permission" to be terrible just because they are two, rebellious just because they are a teenager and irresponsible just because they are boys! How ridiculous! In thinking about our decision to homeschool, one very big plus of keeping your children at home is that there is no one to tell them that they are getting to the age when it is "not cool" to hang out with your mom and dad...that they are getting "too big" for hugs in front of their friends and that being a "teacher's pet" and following the rules is a bad thing! Oh....I know that they will be exposed to some of this because they go to church, the YMCA and other places with kids - but, it will be countered some by what messages we are sending at home. We are trying to consciously talk with our kids about "doing hard things" and that they are not too young to follow God...that David was a young boys when he purposed in his heart to follow God and, that even at their young age they can glorify God with their lives - but not if they are worried about what others think of them. We are trying to be overt in telling our kids that they will never be too old to listen to us and that there is never an excuse for sin in our lives. Now, before any of you tell us that "just wait - when they get to be a teenager..."....ok, ok, ok! We know the boys are not yet teenagers and that they will not be perfect! Remember, you don't judge by the behavior of the boys - but the reaction of the parents! We are NOT PERFECT! But, the point of all this rambling is this....let's be careful that we are not expecting bad behavior, attitudes and SIN by excusing it as a normal stage, a phase, or "typical" behavior. Let's talk openly with our kids about our expectations, our shortcomings/sins and God's requirements of us.
In closing, an example: Sometimes folks at church will say things to me about my boys or their behavior in front of them....one particular night at church a well-meaning lady walked up and said something about the boys being sweet and mannerly on this particular occasion. Not sure how to respond in every situation - I simply said "thank you" and then made a comment about them being "all boy" at times but that they were good boys....when we got in the car, the boys were prepped and ready. They both laid into me with the questions of what is "all boy" and does that mean that they are bad? I tried to explain what the expression meant and realized that I had made it sound like a bad thing to be all boy! Of course not! We discussed how being "all boy" can imply that they like to be rough and tumble, get into sports, etc. and general things like that....then I explained that I did not mean to allude to the idea that they were 'bad' in any way and that I thought they were very good boys! WOW - long explanation and extreme situation -off of a comment made "off the cuff"....imagine how they would have felt and what they would have thought if they had never asked me! I am so glad that they did!
So....all of this to say - enjoy your Monday! Make it a great one! And make a effort to track the messages we are sending to our kids about our expectations and excuses!
Michele Everson, Proud wife of Bro. Chad Everson and
Proud Mama to two wonderful little boys!
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