Everyday Talk and John Younts...How Dare He!

Ok...how many times have you been on the phone and the kids are going crazy around you? You put your hand over the phone and tell them to "be quiet and quit running around this house!" - nicely of course! After 2-3 more pleas with them to quit running and be quiet, you are not as nice anymore....after all, you are still on the phone and this happens every time you get on the phone! Then, it happens....you hear the crash...glass breaking...yep, you know what happened!

Now it is time! You tell the person on the other end "sorry - gotta go" and then you round the corner to find "the look" on your child...the one where they have suddenly become very religious and they are begging Jesus to come back NOW! They know what is coming - and they know you mean business!

All of us can relate to this...and, unfortunately this is common to all of us! When I read a similar story to this in Everyday Talk and, I must confess I wanted to shut the book and start a letter writing campaign to have the author stoned outside the city gates! I was furious for days! Do you know what he had the gall to say? Do you know what HE stated about MY parenting?

He reminded me that if my child believed I was serious about the "no running" the first time I said it, then the broken glass would have never happened. After all, it was not serious enough for me to address it earlier - I never got off the phone to reinforce what I was saying. Actually, what I just did was teach my child that it is ok to disobey me unless you break something! I just reinforced their disobedience and actually sent the clear message that, "as long as you don't break anything, you can run all you want while I am busy"...not what I intended! Now I have learned this for years in my psychology and counseling courses - of course I know this! Yeah, right...everything is different when you are the parent in an emotional situation dealing with your children! It takes slowing down, thinking clearly and remembering that "these kids" are actually a gift from the Lord that He has entrusted to your care and for you to TEACH and RAISE to follow HIM! Ouch...

There is nothing easy about parenting - nothing as self-less and demanding as parenting properly! Younts reminded me that my refusal to pay attention to what was going on and refusal to "back up" my words with action, was actually ingraining the behavior in my child more! Like a gambler, I am building the same reaction into my child - It's ok to lose some...because you might get away with it for a while! Intermittent reinforcement (behavior that does not get addressed EVERY time it happens) is actually the HARDEST behavior to change!

So....if you, like me, saw yourself in this example more than you would like to admit....you know what you have to do! BOOT CAMP! That's right - it is time to put you and your child on notice - you are going to boot camp for that behavior! Warn your child that you are going to expect obedience to your directions THE FIRST TIME YOU SAY IT! Then, the next time you give a direction and they ignore it?...well, follow through! Remind them of what you said - remind them of why (that obedience must be shown the first time) and then impose consequences...

Tomorrow...why obedience should be shown the first time and how to get them to follow it! What do you do if they don't?

Michele Everson, Proud wife of Pastor Chad Everson and
Proud Mama to two (used to be) running little boys!